Childhood is a critical stage of life. The physical and psychological things that happen in those years leave long-lasting imprints in your brain. That’s why childhood traumas completely permeate a person’s personality, influencing it throughout their entire life.
However, that doesn’t mean we can’t overcome them, at least to a certain extent. The fact that someone has had a difficult childhood doesn’t mean they can’t lead a full and satisfying life. But it usually takes some form of therapy.
There are certain traits that indicate the presence of childhood traumas that haven’t been overcome. If you had a difficult childhood, it’s worth checking if there are any of these characteristics in your life. They are good signs to help you see that it may be time to do something for yourself.
“Trauma is not caused by death, but by life. One can die without knowing it. Birth implies the trauma of understanding. “
1. Inhibition, a trait associated with childhood traumas
Inhibition has to do with difficulty making an impact in the world. Even in one’s own life. This is the case with people who are reluctant to say what they really think or do what they really want. They’re either afraid to do or say anything, or else they simply don’t know what to do or say.
Childhood traumas make a person feel unable to stand up for themselves in certain situations. This usually leads to some form of isolation. An extreme difficulty in relating to others, combined with a fear of other people.
Some people are naturally introverts and because of that they don’t feel very comfortable in social situations. However, they have no problem saying out loud what they think or feel. They’re in control of what they do, say, and think.
On the other hand, when there are childhood traumas in one’s lives that they haven’t overcome, they try to live unnoticed and not attract attention.
People who have not overcome their childhood traumas usually exhibit a lot of anger. That said, they are not necessarily violent people. They tend to be not very tolerant and given to aggressive reactions.
The thing is, it seems like they’re always about to explode, even if they don’t. Their temper is also noticeable in the way they handle objects or in their tone of voice.
You can see tension in their gestures and way of speaking. In other words, there’s an aura of anger about them, even though they may not be physically aggressive.
3. Rejection of compliments
People who have not overcome their childhood traumas often also have problems valuing themselves. They e ither feel inferior to others or far superior. However, the latter is only a facade; a mechanism to compensate for the poor view they have of themselves.
That’s why it’s normal for them to reject praise. They believe they are never good enough. Thus they get annoyed when someone tells them they’re doing great in some area.
They think the person is either lying to them or mocking them. They can’t understand how someone can have a good concept of them, when they only have hate for themselves.
4. Apologizing constantly
Someone with childhood traumas in their past feels that everything he says or does will annoy other people. That’s why he apologizes a lot.
He asks for forgiveness when there’s no need at all. He apologizes when he’s speaking, as if he has no right to express himself. And he apologizes when entering or leaving a place.
In these actions we can see the mark of a restrictive childhood, perhaps a humiliating one, and with very little affection shown. Such people feel like they have to apologize for anything that draws attention to themselves. This is one of the most common effects of childhood traumas.
5. Run away from conflict or live in it
Traumatic childhoods tend to develop in a highly conflictive family. An environment in which disagreements and aggression were the norm. Any word or any act could set off a whole series of problems. Thus, a child will grow up in fear and sometimes with an obsession for conflict.
Those who fear conflict will do anything they can to flee from it. They’re even capable of ignoring their own convictions in order to avoid a disagreement.
However, those who seem to love conflict turn everything into a problem. They are bound by the behaviors they experienced and learned as children.
We can’t usually solve childhood traumas without consciously dealing with them. We need to work on them so that they don’t end up invading our personality and making our life hell.
There’s always something that remains in us from childhood. But once we’re adults, we’re in a position to manage and interpret childhood traumas in such a way that they won’t hurt us.